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Losing my virginity 

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Why sharing sex stories is important 

I was 18 when I lost my virginity to the man I’m about to marry.

Yep, you read that correctly. I’ve only had sex with one person my entire life.

(Dad you can stop reading now.)

I’m not in any way ashamed of this, or shy about it. In fact, when it comes to sex, I am pretty open – which I know can be a bit uncomfortable for people, especially women, as we have been raised in a society that frowns upon women who speak openly about sex, and heaven forbid, women who enjoy it (or WANT to enjoy it!)

I know when people hear about my experience (or lack thereof…but not even, we will go there) – they find it weird. Some people feel sorry for me. Some people are genuinely shocked.

Don’t get me wrong. That was never the plan. Heck, in high school I never wanted to get married! My friends from school are still in shock that I’m the one who is planning to settle down, as I was always so vocally anti-marriage when I was younger. “I’m going to be a spinster,” I would tell them. (Now they laugh at me! How times have changed.)

The reason I am sharing this with you is to illustrate how our sex stories all differ. But really, at the end of the day, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to your sex life. You could have had hundreds of partners, or a handful, or none, and no matter where you are at – so long as you are comfortable with it – that is okay.

What matters isn’t the number of people you have had sex with, or how kinky things get in the bedroom – what really matters is your relationship WITH sex.

Yep, I’m going there.

Sex is key to overall wellbeing. Like a healthy diet, exercise regime, meditation practice and mental health focus, a healthy relationship with sex is paramount if you want to cultivate true wellbeing – mind, body and soul.

I attended an event this morning hosted by Moments Condoms talking all things female sexual empowerment. Some of their statistics floored me – like how in a recent survey of women, only 35% were comfortable enough to purchase condoms (things like embarrassment for being judged when purchasing them were excuses as to why women don’t buy them. Why are we embarrassed about sex?) Or how more than 60% of women are having unprotected sex (often due to a fear of being judged in the bedroom – it’s easier not to ask, or to hope the other person has one).

I turned to my friend Melissa who I was sitting with and we were both in shock. How is this the norm? Surely being too embarrassed to ask to use protection is a clear indicator that perhaps the person you are having sex with maybe shouldn’t be the person you are having sex with? Surely you want to feel comfortable with the person you are sleeping with?

The discussion that unfolded on the panel was one about self worth. It was fascinating and seriously opened my eyes. Being my one sexual partnered self, I had no idea how severe an issue sexual wellbeing is amongst us women. Feelings of low self confidence, not having sex for YOU, not even knowing what turns us on – is a REAL issue.

When I talk to my girlfriends about orgasms, and sex positions, and heaven forbid our vaginas, I am met more often with a laugh and a ‘typical Hollie’ than I am with comfortable discussion. Why? What is making us so uncomfortable with sex?

When I sit opposite my clients who are experiencing blocks around sex, it is often a deeper issue unfolding. Of course traumatic sexual experiences are one of those things, and something that involves a deeper level of counselling or therapy. But these are not the instances I am referring to.

I know plenty of very happy couples with very non-existent sex lives, which may be totally fine by them – but a lot of the time, they want things to be different. Sex is often the glue that holds a relationship together after all.

On the flip side, I also know a lot of happily single women who are totally comfortable with sleeping with a number of people. And I take my bloody hat off to them! I am sick to death of the stereotype of a woman who enjoys sex being labelled as a slut, skank, or whore. Yet men are so damn comfortable with their dicks, and shouting from the rooftops about their latest one night stand.

Good on them, I say. Time to match them, ladies. Recognise that discomfort. What is the underlying story you are telling yourself about your sexual self? Is it taboo? Shame? Embarrassment? What were you taught (or worse – not taught) about sex growing up? Where is your view of sex holding you back? And how can you work through it?

Remember, like anything in your health, you don’t have to experience this by yourself. I am grateful to be very in touch with my sexual side, and to have a partner who is willing to explore things with me (lucky boy). If you aren’t there yet, but want to get there, there is a MYRIAD of help available.

My first point of call is to check out The Jade Egg Academy  run by my good friend Tara O – who helps women tap back into that sexy side of themselves they lost. To embrace your feminine power, unleash epic orgasms and reclaim an incredible sex life.

Alongside this, when I see clients who have sexual blockages, often their Sacral Chakra needs work. This is the energetic point located at your pelvis, and vibrates to the colour orange. The sacral chakra is your CREATIVE point – so you will often find those with sexual blocks also lack a creative outlet in their life (think art, or dance, or something else creative).

I could write far more on this, and plan to, because I believe encouraging a healthy and open dialogue about female sexual empowerment is paramount today. Remember it doesn’t matter how many partners you have had sexually – what matters is your relationship with sex. Are you sleeping with someone for the enjoyment, and because it makes you feel good? If yes, GO GIRL! If the answer is anything less than that, there may be work to be done. But that is okay, because I am here, and so are hundreds of open, kind and supportive women who want you to experience sex the way we do.

(And yes, 10 years of sex with the same guy and I still orgasm every time. So can you!)

What is your sex story? Are you totally comfortable with your sexual self, or do you think there is work to be done? 

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The day to day supplements I can’t live without

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I first started taking supplements for my health at the peak of my adrenal fatigue in 2015. I couldn’t understand how I could be eating SO healthily, exercising SO regularly and still feeling sick, tired, fatigued and not at all the way my body SHOULD have been feeling, given the care I thought I was giving it.

It turns out, a cumulative effect of anxiety, stress and fatigue over time, meant my body was not absorbing the nutrients it needed to, my gut health was eradicated (leaky gut AND parasites all at once – not a fun time) and it turned out, my body needed a little extra TLC other than solely relying on the food I was eating.

Enter my incredible naturopath who created a holistic lifestyle plan for me, covering everything from nutrition and exercise, to sleep and meditation and, just as importantly, supplementation.

After a barrage of tests came back alerting to depleted adrenals, low iron and zinc levels, high cortisol, deficiency in magnesium, a sluggish liver and a super inflamed body and gut, I was put on a strict healing protocol with so many supplements that I can’t even RECALL all of them today, only two years later.

But what I do recall is that they helped – a lot. So much so, that there are a few of them I continue to take to this day, given their positive effect on my body and in my life.

I have been receiving a lot of questions from you guys lately about what supplements I personally use to support my health, and today I want to share with you the key good guys that are a non-negotiable part of my daily life.

Legalon by Flordis

I was naive when I assumed because I wasn’t a big drinker, and I ate #glutenfree, that my liver would be functioning normally. In fact, it has been one of the key organs in my body that I have struggled with most over the years. The sole responsibility of the liver is to detox the body – from things like alcohol, sugar, and other nasties we potentially absorb through toxins in our home environment and day to day life (think chemical cleaning products, carcinogenic beauty products, even the contraceptive Pill!)

At the peak of my adrenal fatigue, my liver was working on overtime and was in desperate need of extra TLC. Enter, Legalon. My naturopath explained to me the benefits of Milk Thistle in supporting the liver, including its antioxidant effect (allowing cells to regenerate and breathe), and anti-inflammatory response in the body. Considering my body was super inflamed, it made sense to give it a go.

Now, Legalon is a supplement I use on the daily. After a few months break this year, I have noticed SUCH positive changes in my energy levels, skin, hair and even the whites of my eyes, after just taking it again for a month now. Having Legalon as a daily supplement offers peace of mind in knowing that my liver has that extra support to do its thing – especially as I have only come off the Pill a year ago, which puts EXTRA detoxing strain on the little guy.

Check out Legalon by Flordis here or chat to your naturopath about the best way to use it in your life.

Probiotics 

Another daily must-have, probiotics have been key to restoring the good bacteria in my gut after years and years of damaging effects from leaky gut, parasites and extreme antibiotic usage. Not only is a daily probiotic so important to ensuring a healthy gut microbiome, but given the relationship between the gut and the brain, a probiotic is also incredibly important to maximise mental health and eliminate feelings of anxiety.

Rather than taking yourself off to the nearest health food store and picking a random probiotic from the fridge, it is so important to sit with a naturopath and find a probiotic that is best for YOU and your current experiences. I have changed probiotic strains and types over the years, and am currently taking Ultra Flora Immune Control, as my most recent test results showed signs of a weakened immune system.

Take your probiotic before bed at night to let the little good guys do their work as you sleep.

Neurocalm

A must for my anxious readers – Neurocalm was a game-changer for me. This supplement is incredible as it allows your nervous system to relax and takes immediate effect. If you feel an anxiety attack or anxious feelings arise, pop a Neurocalm (so badass) and in 20 minutes the feelings will have subsided.

As they are a totally natural alternative to medication, they have been a saviour for me in my most anxious moments. Now, I only take Neurocalm when I feel heightened levels of anxiety. However, there was a stage I took it every day morning and night, to really stabilise my nervous system while I worked on other health challenges.

This is a supplement that needs to be prescribed by your health care practitioner, so take yourself off to your naturopath to have a discussion on how Neurocalm could potentially aid in your anxiety treatment.

Liquid Herbs

Not really a ‘supplement’ but just as important to me is using liquid herbs to support my health in a multitude of ways. Our health can really be treated by nature in so many cases if we allow it to be – and liquid herbs are an incredibly potent and effective way of treating health concerns, as liquid is absorbed more readily than capsules in the body.

Here’s the catch – they don’t taste good at all. Like, some herbal tonics taste like dirt. But, stick to it because in my experience they will really help you over time. Remember, with supplements and herbal medicine we are treating the underlying CAUSE, not just masking a symptom – so it may take a little longer to notice the effects, but practice patience here because your body will absolutely thank you for it.

I have taken liquid herbs for everything – from adrenal support, to anxiety management, to gut healing, and most recently hormonal support and acne.

Again, these are something that must be administered by your naturopath – if you don’t have one yet, why not see mine! 

While these are four of my favourite supplements, truth be told there are some stages in my life where I will take double the amount (with things like magnesium, zinc and even additional gut support), and also times I won’t take anything at all.

Find what works best for YOU and your body, and always take supplementation under the support of a qualified healthcare practitioner.

Your body, mind AND soul will thank you for it.

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