I have a confession to make…recently I have found myself falling victim to the old ‘comparisonitis’.
Yep, the girl who shouts from the rooftops “COMPARISON IS THE THIEF OF JOY” and preaches self love, has caught herself out in the nasty spiralling of comparing myself to others. And the kind of uncomfortable part is, I didn’t even realise I was doing it. I had to be called out for it.
It all unfolded the other day when I was chatting to one of my (many) successful, inspiring, beautiful, amazing soul sisters (so grateful to continue to attract all the incredible women in my life).
I was venting…
“I just feel like no matter how hard I work, or how much effort I put in to my business, it is never enough. I look at what you are doing, and what X is doing, and Y is doing, and I wonder why I’m not there alongside you guys. What is holding me back?”
To which she replied:
“Can you shut (the f***) up for a second?”
(Legit she was angry. Get yourself friends who can comfortably get angry at you when you’re being stupid.)
“Hollie, I watch what you are doing and I am amazed by it all. You are the definition of killing it. How can you not see that?”
I half-heartedly agreed…mumbled a little thanks…and she continued…
“I want you to think about exactly WHAT these people are doing in their lives, that you think is better than what you are doing. And stop the comparison right now, because it’s boring and you’re better than that.”
She might as well have hit me in the face with a pot plant (I’m going through a plant phase right now).
I honestly had no idea I was comparing. Yet in hindsight, I CLEARLY was. This was all stemming from a fear of not DOING enough, HAVING enough, and BEING enough.
Yet my ego had disguised the fear as “wanting to better myself”. But in wanting to better myself, rather than investing back INTO myself, or taking the space needed to reflect on ‘where to from here’ – I had gotten caught up in the scrolling, the comparing, the frustration of not being enough.
And it was all my own doing.
Here’s the thing. We KNOW comparing isn’t ever beneficial for ourselves. Maybe you compare yourself to your friends – the one who just bought a house, just had a baby or are recently engaged. Or maybe it’s to the strangers online with the chiseled abs and tanned ‘bikini bodies’.
For me, I had fallen victim to comparing my BUSINESS self to other business savvy women in my world – friends of mine, and women I truly look up to. But in admiring them and feeling INSPIRED by them, my ego twisted it to – well, you should really be doing what they are doing. Because they have more followers than you and that means they are more successful than you.
Typing it out sounds so stupid, but that is truly where my mind had gone. And I had missed it entirely.
So what do we do when we find ourselves caught up int he world of comparisonitis?
Well, for starters, I nutted down exactly the story I was telling myself:
X, Y and Z were ‘killing it’ which meant I wasn’t. Which is not true at all. Because here is my personal definition of killing it:
- My body is healthy and strong and energised and thriving (tick)
- I am surrounded by loving family and friends (tick and tick)
- Trent and I are super loved up and planning our dream wedding (alllll the ticks)
- I work for myself, only doing things that truly light me up and are aligned with my heart and soul (tick x a million)
- I am operating at a level of abundance that allows me to not have any other jobs outside of working for ME, myself and I – plus being able to invest back in my health and my growth, pay for a wedding, travel whenever I like and move out of home next year (a million ticks)
- Being an inspiring and authentic influencer in the health and wellness space, helping others to live positive, healthy and happy lives and working with brands I truly believe in (ticks, ticks and more ticks)
- Booking speaking gigs for incredible brands and being able to spread the ‘wellness word’ (I’m boring you with the ticks now yeah?)
- Working a flexible lifestyle allowing for sleep ins, gym during the day, travel whenever and afternoon naps if I want it (TICK)
So what the hell was I comparing myself to?
Maybe I haven’t published a book yet, but I am writing it.
Maybe my blog isn’t a leading influence in the wellness community yet, but that’s not why I write it anyway.
Maybe my Instagram followers fluctuate by 50-100 every damn day, but that’s not why I post.
In catching out our ego in its tracks, and rationalising the STORIES we tell ourselves, we can start to uncover what is actually TRUTH and what is FEAR.
My stories about not being enough?
Total fear. No truth to them whatsoever.
Next time you catch yourself comparing – sit with it. Reflect on it. Where has it come from? Is it a truth or a story?
Because remember, you, right now, reading this, are enough. You are enough in every damn moment. No matter what anyone else is doing right now.
Sometimes we just need the reminder.
Try and catch yourself out before you get smashed in the face with a pot plant.