When comparison-itis strikes


I have a confession to make…recently I have found myself falling victim to the old ‘comparisonitis’.

Yep, the girl who shouts from the rooftops “COMPARISON IS THE THIEF OF JOY” and preaches self love, has caught herself out in the nasty spiralling of comparing myself to others. And the kind of uncomfortable part is, I didn’t even realise I was doing it. I had to be called out for it.

It all unfolded the other day when I was chatting to one of my (many) successful, inspiring, beautiful, amazing soul sisters (so grateful to continue to attract all the incredible women in my life).

I was venting…

“I just feel like no matter how hard I work, or how much effort I put in to my business, it is never enough. I look at what you are doing, and what X is doing, and Y is doing, and I wonder why I’m not there alongside you guys. What is holding me back?”

To which she replied:

“Can you shut (the f***) up for a second?”

(Legit she was angry. Get yourself friends who can comfortably get angry at you when you’re being stupid.)

She continued…

“Hollie, I watch what you are doing and I am amazed by it all. You are the definition of killing it. How can you not see that?”

I half-heartedly agreed…mumbled a little thanks…and she continued…

“I want you to think about exactly WHAT these people are doing in their lives, that you think is better than what you are doing. And stop the comparison right now, because it’s boring and you’re better than that.”

She might as well have hit me in the face with a pot plant (I’m going through a plant phase right now).

I honestly had no idea I was comparing. Yet in hindsight, I CLEARLY was. This was all stemming from a fear of not DOING enough, HAVING enough, and BEING enough.

Yet my ego had disguised the fear as “wanting to better myself”. But in wanting to better myself, rather than investing back INTO myself, or taking the space needed to reflect on ‘where to from here’ – I had gotten caught up in the scrolling, the comparing, the frustration of not being enough.

And it was all my own doing.

Here’s the thing. We KNOW comparing isn’t ever beneficial for ourselves. Maybe you compare yourself to your friends – the one who just bought a house, just had a baby or are recently engaged. Or maybe it’s to the strangers online with the chiseled abs and tanned ‘bikini bodies’.

For me, I had fallen victim to comparing my BUSINESS self to other business savvy women in my world – friends of mine, and women I truly look up to. But in admiring them and feeling INSPIRED by them, my ego twisted it to – well, you should really be doing what they are doing. Because they have more followers than you and that means they are more successful than you.

Typing it out sounds so stupid, but that is truly where my mind had gone. And I had missed it entirely.

So what do we do when we find ourselves caught up int he world of comparisonitis?

Well, for starters, I nutted down exactly the story I was telling myself:

X, Y and Z were ‘killing it’ which meant I wasn’t. Which is not true at all. Because here is my personal definition of killing it:

  • My body is healthy and strong and energised and thriving (tick)
  • I am surrounded by loving family and friends (tick and tick)
  • Trent and I are super loved up and planning our dream wedding (alllll the ticks)
  • I work for myself, only doing things that truly light me up and are aligned with my heart and soul (tick x a million)
  • I am operating at a level of abundance that allows me to not have any other jobs outside of working for ME, myself and I – plus being able to invest back in my health and my growth, pay for a wedding, travel whenever I like and move out of home next year (a million ticks)
  • Being an inspiring and authentic influencer in the health and wellness space, helping others to live positive, healthy and happy lives and working with brands I truly believe in (ticks, ticks and more ticks)
  • Booking speaking gigs for incredible brands and being able to spread the ‘wellness word’ (I’m boring you with the ticks now yeah?)
  • Working a flexible lifestyle allowing for sleep ins, gym during the day, travel whenever and afternoon naps if I want it (TICK)

So what the hell was I comparing myself to?

Maybe I haven’t published a book yet, but I am writing it.

Maybe my blog isn’t a leading influence in the wellness community yet, but that’s not why I write it anyway.

Maybe my Instagram followers fluctuate by 50-100 every damn day, but that’s not why I post.

In catching out our ego in its tracks, and rationalising the STORIES we tell ourselves, we can start to uncover what is actually TRUTH and what is FEAR.

My stories about not being enough?

Total fear. No truth to them whatsoever.

Next time you catch yourself comparing – sit with it. Reflect on it. Where has it come from? Is it a truth or a story?

Because remember, you, right now, reading this, are enough. You are enough in every damn moment. No matter what anyone else is doing right now.

Sometimes we just need the reminder.

Try and catch yourself out before you get smashed in the face with a pot plant.


How I learned to love my body – three of my top tips 

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When you look in the mirror, what words run through your head?

Do you smile to yourself? Call yourself beautiful? Or quickly glance away in disgust?

If the latter is more your jam, you are not alone. I have spoken with hundreds of women who do the same. When it comes to facing themselves in the mirror, it is unbearable. The thought of speaking kindly about themselves and their body isn’t even on the radar.

I get it. I’ve been there.

But I have also come out of the other end – a much happier, healthier, calmer and kinder person for it, too.

And I KNOW you want to get there. You wouldn’t have read this far otherwise. But it all seems too hard doesn’t it? When we have grown up in a society conditioning us to de-value our worth, or better yet, market that we are ‘worth it’ – the ‘it’ being makeup, or clothing, or those stupid waist trainers and leggings that “make you appear 3 sizes smaller!”

Get fucked.

The real question here is WHY. As in, why do we WANT to look three sizes smaller? Why do we WANT to train our waist to contort into a shape that isn’t natural for our given body? Why do we WANT to lose those 10 kilos?

What are we trying to prove here?

Now don’t get me wrong, I am ALL for exercise and eating well and living a healthy life because of how it FEELS. Health feels great. Living an energised, vibrant and healthy life is the ultimate goal right? We want to wake up feeling good, going about our day without illness, or panic or any level of mental or physical illness.

The real issue I am seeing though, is the ‘health’ industry pushing not so healthy ways of living. Weighing your food before you eat it is not healthy for your mind. Training every day without rest is not healthy for your body. Weighing yourself once, twice, or more a day (or week) is not healthy for your soul.

And yet we think that if we change the shape of our body, if we lose those last 5 kilos, if we LOOK a different way, then we will FEEL a different way.

Here’s a truth bomb for you my loves – the way we LOOK and the way we FEEL are not one and the same. They are TWO ENTIRELY DIFFERENT THINGS.

Take it from the girl who has had the abs, the thigh gap, lost the weight, had ALL the compliments in the world about how amazing my body was looking, and was left feeling depleted, fatigued, anxious and a total wreck.

Now I have to reiterate – for some people, strict regimented dieting, and training, does not have the same effect on them as it did on me. But this blog IS about me, and it would be wrong of me to not share it.

This week is Love Your Body Week in Australia. In light of this, I wanted to share with you my three top tips to starting to love what you see when you look in the mirror starting NOW – and not when things physically change. (Hot tip: when you start practicing self love, you will find you body relaxes and changes ANYWAY. But you aren’t left with the mental, physical and emotional exhaustion. It’s a freaking win-win!)

Say goodbye to your scales

I don’t weigh myself because I know what that number does to my mind. For some of you, maybe weighing yourself is fine and you aren’t ever attached to the number that shows up, in which case, amazing. But I know for me, I used to place a whole lot of importance on that number. I could have had the #cleanest, #fittest week of my life, but if that little number came back even a FRACTION bigger than the last time I saw it (most likely the day before) then it would send me into overdrive – I wasn’t doing enough, all my hard work was for nothing, I must have looked bigger, blah blah blah.

When I realised the scales were not helping me in any way, I decided I would never weigh myself again. And other than a few doctors visits (where I have told them not to tell me the number) I haven’t. Because I KNOW even after all the work I have done, hearing that number will never do my self worth any favours. I know my mind. And you know yours. Do what is best for it.

(You will KNOW if you are at a healthy weight range by how your clothes fit, how your body FEELS and how often you are exercising/eating well. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to know the pull of your body’s gravitational force to be able to tell if you are healthy or not.)

Start catching your inner dialogue when you look at yourself in the mirror

Next time you look at yourself in the mirror, catch out where your mind goes. What are the stories you are telling yourself about your physical appearance?

Here’s one for you – I used to HATE my legs. I thought they should have been longer, and didn’t like how muscly they were. I would look in the mirror and pinch at my thighs wishing they were smaller. Now, I know that this belief had NOTHING to do with how my legs looked (totally love them now by the way). The story I was telling myself – that my legs were too big – was actually a DEEPER issue about my self worth.

I believed I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t as skinny as some of my friends, so that meant I wasn’t attractive enough. I thought my difference made me unloveable, unlikeable – that boys wouldn’t find me attractive, that in some way the circumference of my legs was a direct correlation to my ability to succeed in life.

Notice what you say when you look in the mirror and then unpick the dialogue. Chances are it is about so much more than your physical appearance. What are your underlying stories, and are they actually true?

Acknowledge the FEELING you are seeking – and then go out and find it NOW!

Close your eyes and imagine you are physically looking however you want to right now. Perhaps you weigh your ‘goal weight’ or just look the way you have always wanted to… Now really imagine how that FEELS. What would you do differently in your life if you looked that way?

Maybe you feel more confident? Sexy? Worthy?

Whatever feelings you are seeking, realise you can feel ANY of these things RIGHT NOW. You don’t have to wait for the perfect body, or to change your looks to feel these things. These feelings come down to practices of self love and personal development – which have nothing to do with our physicality, other than nurturing and honouring and loving the bodies we are given.

When I was training my hardest, weighed my goal weight, had the abs and thigh gap, I was seeking freedom and passion and inspiration. I was sick of working a job that no longer lit me up, but rather than change that, I thought changing my body would make all the difference. It only made things worse. I was sicker and unhappier than ever before.

Really acknowledge WHY you think changing your body will change your life. Chances are there is an underlying issue you are struggling to cope with, and you are using your body as an excuse. Own up to it, and get to work angel.

I would love to hear what practices have helped you fall in love with your body? Please share them with me in the comments below, and let’s start a body-love thread of inspiration! 


Last week a stranger called me fat…

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It’s true. It went something like “So now that you’re fat you are trying to convince everyone else and yourself that you are healthy…”

The picture he was responding to is the one I have shared above. A before/after of a different kind.

I have become privy to sharing these kinds of images on my social media channels – an attempt to break down the stereotypes we have around what ‘healthy’ looks like. That even though my ‘before’ image looks the picture of health (with my toned body, thigh gap and abs), I was actually extremely unwell. And that while in the after photo I am more curvy (even more so than I am right now given this was taken 2 months into a Europe dream trip where I ate whatever I wanted) – I was far healthier in the second photo – mind, body and soul. Even though I don’t have the abs, and heaven forbid my breasts are bigger.

When I posted this photo I didn’t expect much, because I wasn’t doing it for any kind of ‘exposure’ or external validation. I was sharing it for my clients – the ones suffering anorexia and bulimia, the ones who have attempted suicide and self-harm driven to helplessness because of an obsession with the way that they look. I was posting it for young girls growing up in an era like never before – where ‘fitspo’ and eating disorder encouragement Instagram accounts are easily accessible at the click of a button. Where ‘skinny teas’ are even a thing (why?!) I was posting it for anyone who has ever looked at themselves in the mirror and burst into tears. For anyone who ever fad dieted in an attempt to feel better about themselves, only having the opposite effect, and feeling far worse. I was sharing it for my sister, for my mother, for my family and friends – all of us who have ever felt ashamed by the beautiful bodies we have been given.

So you can imagine my surprise when the post went semi-viral. I had to re-charge my phone 7 times that day, until I eventually gave up and switched it off. More than 5 thousand people liked the post (and for someone who gets excited at 100 likes, you can imagine the overwhelm). I doubled my followers overnight. My message requests went through the roof. Messages like:

I am 18 from Paris, and I want to tell you how inspiring you are. I am struggling with a binge eating disorder. I feel alone. And sad. Seeing your account made me a little less alone and thank you for that. 

Thank you for this post. I am trying to love myself but it is so hard some days. I see a post like your and we have very similar bodies, but one difference – you smile more. I need to learn to love mine and then mine will be beautiful like yours. Thank you for the inspiration. 

Today I am in the first situation – obsessed with my body, my weight, the gym…my goal is to like myself and never feel this culpability again. And when I discovered you, it makes me strong because I know that I will arrive, I have hope, because it is possible. 

Literally hundreds of comments and messages like the above. Beautiful women who are sick of fighting life-long battles with their bodies. Crying out for understanding and love.

So when someone jumps on my post and calls me fat, it infuriates me.

And not for the reasons you might think.

I have done the work on myself enough to know that these comments are empty words – in fact, at first when I saw them, I would smile. You know you’re doing something right when you start pissing people off.

But then I sat with it. And got mad. How DARE these people feel it okay to body shame with absolutely NO idea of my circumstances. It made me angry for my clients, for my followers, and for all the women who had reached out to me offering love and support, crying out for help. These people were not to know if I was battling an eating disorder. If I was self-harming or heaven-forbid had attempted suicide. Do they not understand the power of a phrase like that, especially on a post aimed to inspire and uplift?

It also shocked me the number of men feeling it completely in their right to comment on my breasts. The sexualisation of my body has been something I have been extremely self-conscious of. I am bigger busted naturally, and constantly hide my figure behind baggy clothes, covering my face with my long hair. Truth be told, part of me has never wanted to be ‘seen’. I have been conscious of my body my entire life for this EXACT reason – sexualisation of my body because I have big breasts.

When I made a comment about this on my Instagram stories, again my inbox was flooded with women who feel the same. Incredibly self-conscious of their beautiful feminine shape, because they don’t want to be a ‘target’ for unwanted male attention. It really struck me how big an issue this is. And how I no longer want to hide behind the baggy clothes.

I LOVE my body and I have worked fucking hard to love it. Every single inch of it. But that doesn’t give ANYBODY the right to abuse it, shame it or sexualise it. Ironically (or maybe not) ALL of the shaming was from men. And that upsets me because I love men – my dad, my fiancé, my brother, my best friends. Is this a generalisation I am making or a real issue? And either way, what can we do to stop it?

Truth be told – I have no idea. But I am grateful for my post, and the comments it received, because it opened my eyes to issues far larger than before/after pictures or ‘fitspo’.

And mark my words I will make it my mission to promote body love every single damn day. For me, for you, for our future daughters (and sons). No more baggy clothes for me.