It’s okay to want to look your best…

Yesterday was one of the most exciting days I have ever experienced. I was going to pick up my wedding dress. Since finding my dream dress way back in April, I have been constantly imagining the day I would get to slip it back on. And I’m not a girl who is big on these sorts of things. But there’s something different about wedding dresses. I hope you guys get to experience what I mean.

I have been training my butt off at the gym since purchasing my dress, for two reasons:

1. I want to feel amazing come my wedding day
2. I want to look my best

Dot point two has been a struggle for me to come to terms with. Because somewhere along the way of accidentally becoming a body love advocate (never part of the plan!), I lost sight of what that actually meant.

In fact, ego told me time and time again that I wasn’t allowed to lose weight or tone up or appear ‘too attractive’ – because people wouldn’t take me seriously anymore.

What kind of a warped belief is that?!

But it is truly what I was telling myself. That to be relatable, I had to dim my light.

It’s okay for me to post photos of me with my leaky gut and bloated belly, or untoned physique, and claim we should all love ourselves, but Universe-forbid if I share the same message when I have lost 6 kilos and am focused on toning up.

Here’s the thing – I love me either way. Toned muscles or carrying a little extra weight. Right now, my priority is on being in beautiful physical shape – not only for my wedding, but because I know when I am exercising and eating well, my body responds well, and I look my best. It’s more than just how I feel in my clothing – like an inner-glow.

But I wasn’t allowing myself to truly OWN that I wanted to tone up and lose weight because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I honestly thought if I noticeably lost weight, people would think I had ‘sold out’.

Here’s the thing when it comes to body love – so long as your intentions are from a LOVING place, then that is the goal. If you want to tone up and lose weight, and you are doing it in a gentle, loving and uplifting way, THEN THAT IS OKAY!

It is when we become obsessive – not just in our actions, but in our thoughts and our beliefs, that can become quite damaging.
So I stepped into my dress yesterday feeling totally confident. I have lost 6 kilos since I tried it on last. But, silly Holz had also packed on the muscle. So while the dress slid on beautiful in most places – when it came to my boobs, I had grown 2.5 cm.

To which the woman fitting me laughed: “Girl, so many women pay for this problem!”

I laughed too. Of course it was my boobs that grew (more specifically, my back behind my boobs). So while physically I am in better shape than I have been this year, my dress was a tight squeeze. OF COURSE!

Did I let it get to me?

Not at first. The woman in the shop was so impressed at how much I took it in my stride.

“Gosh most women would have had a melt down!”

Here’s the thing. I didn’t at the time. I didn’t on the excited drive to leave the dress at Mum’s place, or when I posted my picture on my Insty with all the beautiful comments coming through from you all.

But then, I did.

I started worrying:

• What if I put own weight before the wedding and the dress wouldn’t do up?
• What if the dress didn’t look as good as I hoped, and people would judge me for it?
• What if my boobs grew even more and distracted from anything else?
• What if I had a leaky gut episode the morning of the wedding (or even worse, my period, which has nicely synced to the DAY of our wedding as of last month)?
• What if I don’t look how everyone else expects me to?

These thoughts ran through my head all at once, suffocating me until it got to the point I had to switch off my phone, have a big cry and release all of the stress I had created myself. Do you see that the initial stress of not fitting into my dress on the big day, actually stemmed from an underlying fear of what other people will think of me? WOAH.

Waking up this morning, I feel so much better. I am happy that I was able to release what had built up – because now I have a fresh perspective.

In journalling on it all this morning, I realised that it actually doesn’t even matter what I look like on the big day. What matters is why I am doing this – to marry the love of my life. I could wear a potato sack and have gained 10 kilos and it would still be the best day of my life. I’m not doing this for ANYONE other than the two of us. It actually doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

So I have released the fear, for now. I am sure at some stages it will rise again. Because guess what – I am human. As an influencer we can put so much pressure on ourselves to have all the answers, to never break down or appear contradictory. But that totally takes away from being authentic and relatable – two things that really matter to me.

So yes, love your body. Do ALL things for yourself from a place of love. And if that means losing weight, then own that lovingly. It doesn’t make you a bad person for wanting to look a certain way when you are coming at it with loving intentions. Of COURSE we want to look our best – because when we do, we FEEL our best. And when we seek out the feelings instead of focusing on the image, then it all naturally falls into place. Just don’t get so caught up in that journey that you forget to appreciate what you have right now.

When comparison-itis strikes

I have a confession to make…recently I have found myself falling victim to the old ‘comparisonitis’.

Yep, the girl who shouts from the rooftops “COMPARISON IS THE THIEF OF JOY” and preaches self love, has caught herself out in the nasty spiralling of comparing myself to others. And the kind of uncomfortable part is, I didn’t even realise I was doing it. I had to be called out for it.

It all unfolded the other day when I was chatting to one of my (many) successful, inspiring, beautiful, amazing soul sisters (so grateful to continue to attract all the incredible women in my life).

I was venting…

“I just feel like no matter how hard I work, or how much effort I put in to my business, it is never enough. I look at what you are doing, and what X is doing, and Y is doing, and I wonder why I’m not there alongside you guys. What is holding me back?”

To which she replied:

“Can you shut (the f***) up for a second?”

(Legit she was angry. Get yourself friends who can comfortably get angry at you when you’re being stupid.)

She continued…

“Hollie, I watch what you are doing and I am amazed by it all. You are the definition of killing it. How can you not see that?”

I half-heartedly agreed…mumbled a little thanks…and she continued…

“I want you to think about exactly WHAT these people are doing in their lives, that you think is better than what you are doing. And stop the comparison right now, because it’s boring and you’re better than that.”

She might as well have hit me in the face with a pot plant (I’m going through a plant phase right now).

I honestly had no idea I was comparing. Yet in hindsight, I CLEARLY was. This was all stemming from a fear of not DOING enough, HAVING enough, and BEING enough.

Yet my ego had disguised the fear as “wanting to better myself”. But in wanting to better myself, rather than investing back INTO myself, or taking the space needed to reflect on ‘where to from here’ – I had gotten caught up in the scrolling, the comparing, the frustration of not being enough.

And it was all my own doing.

Here’s the thing. We KNOW comparing isn’t ever beneficial for ourselves. Maybe you compare yourself to your friends – the one who just bought a house, just had a baby or are recently engaged. Or maybe it’s to the strangers online with the chiseled abs and tanned ‘bikini bodies’.

For me, I had fallen victim to comparing my BUSINESS self to other business savvy women in my world – friends of mine, and women I truly look up to. But in admiring them and feeling INSPIRED by them, my ego twisted it to – well, you should really be doing what they are doing. Because they have more followers than you and that means they are more successful than you.

Typing it out sounds so stupid, but that is truly where my mind had gone. And I had missed it entirely.

So what do we do when we find ourselves caught up int he world of comparisonitis?

Well, for starters, I nutted down exactly the story I was telling myself:

X, Y and Z were ‘killing it’ which meant I wasn’t. Which is not true at all. Because here is my personal definition of killing it:

• My body is healthy and strong and energised and thriving (tick)
• I am surrounded by loving family and friends (tick and tick)
• Trent and I are super loved up and planning our dream wedding (alllll the ticks)
• I work for myself, only doing things that truly light me up and are aligned with my heart and soul (tick x a million)
• I am operating at a level of abundance that allows me to not have any other jobs outside of working for ME, myself and I – plus being able to invest back in my health and my growth, pay for a wedding, travel whenever I like and move out of home next year (a million ticks)
• Being an inspiring and authentic influencer in the health and wellness space, helping others to live positive, healthy and happy lives and working with brands I truly believe in (ticks, ticks and more ticks)
• Booking speaking gigs for incredible brands and being able to spread the ‘wellness word’ (I’m boring you with the ticks now yeah?)
• Working a flexible lifestyle allowing for sleep ins, gym during the day, travel whenever and afternoon naps if I want it (TICK)

So what the hell was I comparing myself to?

Maybe I haven’t published a book yet, but I am writing it.

Maybe my blog isn’t a leading influence in the wellness community yet, but that’s not why I write it anyway.

Maybe my Instagram followers fluctuate by 50-100 every damn day, but that’s not why I post.

In catching out our ego in its tracks, and rationalising the STORIES we tell ourselves, we can start to uncover what is actually TRUTH and what is FEAR.

My stories about not being enough?

Total fear. No truth to them whatsoever.

Next time you catch yourself comparing – sit with it. Reflect on it. Where has it come from? Is it a truth or a story?

Because remember, you, right now, reading this, are enough. You are enough in every damn moment. No matter what anyone else is doing right now.

Sometimes we just need the reminder.

Try and catch yourself out before you get smashed in the face with a pot plant.

When following your intuition doesn’t go to plan…

In two weeks today I will be hopping on a flight to Melbourne for my first interstate workshop. A huge feat in itself, and something I am super excited by, yet I would be lying if I said things have panned out the way I’ve anticipated. (Therein often lies the issue – as we know, expectations more often than not lead to disappointment!)

I have been resistant to bringing my workshops interstate. The idea of fronting up for flights, accomodation, transport, venue hire, goody bag items, meals out and the list goes on, is a big financial deal for a small business like mine.

For months and months I was ignoring the almost daily inboxes from all of you asking when I was bringing my next workshop to your state. Melbourne were the most vocal. Bring BOTH of my workshops, I was constantly asked. In fact, there would be more than 40 Melbournians who have reached out to me at some point this year asking me to bring a workshop down to VIC.

So finally, after much resistance, and a big “I HEAR YOU UNIVERSE!” I contacted a venue provider, hired the space and created the event landing page. Intuition was telling me loud and clear it was time to get my butt to Melbourne. To “feel the fear and do it anyway”.

I launched the event and in the first night sold 4 tickets.

Excellent – confirmation I was doing the right thing. If I could get to 20 tickets sold that would be perfect. I would break even…just… on venue hire, accomodation and flights. No need to make money off my first Melbs workshop, I told myself. Just breaking even would be great.

Then…nothing.

Two weeks out from the event and I have sold 6 tickets – this covers venue hire. Just.

Last week when I realised it was a very real scenario that I may not sell anymore, the old fear voice crept in. Should I cancel altogether? Downsize the venue location? Was I charging too much? Did I pick the wrong time of year for an event? Should I have gone to Brisbane instead? Or better yet, stayed in Sydney where my workshops sell out to waitlists?

Fear after fear after fear based story running through my head, yet intuition was still ringing loud and clear.

Go to Melbourne, Hollie. And ENJOY it. Give those 6 attendees the BEST DAMN WORKSHOP of your life.

Because here’s the thing…

I don’t do the work I do in the world for money alone. I definitely don’t do it to ‘break even’. I am called to do the work I do to inspire, uplift and share my lessons with people who truly want to learn. Whether that be one person, six people, or a stadium full of people actually DOESN’T MATTER.

What matters is I feel my soul’s calling and listen to it – regardless of whether it makes financial sense. Regardless of whether my ego wants to tell me it’s a silly idea.

So that’s where I am at now. I couldn’t be more excited to get to Melbourne and to enjoy every bloody second.

Remember intuition is not about ‘planning’. In fact, it is often the OPPOSITE of it. It is about feeling and surrendering and TRUSTING. Allowing things to unfold the way the are always supposed to, even though you cannot see what that looks like.

When your intuition doesn’t go to plan – well, you’ve missed the entire point.

No need for plans when intuition is at play.

(Pssst! Got a friend in Melbourne you think would love to spend a Sunday morning vision boarding and learning all things manifestation with me? Invite them to come along! Universe knows we have the space! https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/manifestation-and-magic-tickets-37525419540)